Of all the compliments I've received in my life, never did I think "Hey, your boobs, they're smaller!" would be the best one, let alone acceptable! Do you know of any women who would take that as a compliment?
Yesterday I thought I would give a smaller bra a test drive, mine just didn't seem to be doing the job anymore. I took a deep breath and took my sweet time getting it on. When I pulled it up and I was fully prepared for too much batter coming out of the waffle iron. That was not the case my friends. Fit like a glove. Holy crap! Could this be true? There's no way, no way man!
I stood there in the mirror staring at myself, took a turn to the left, then to the right. Yep, the clown car is full and doors are closed. Everybody is inside and doing fine. I put my DDD pony out to pasture, said my goodbye's and did a rather loud "YESSSSS" with a fist pump happy to take my DD out for a spin!
I tried on a couple shirts that I was unable to wear because the buttons were spreading apart and voila, beautiful straight line. (insert me now doing to moon walk in celebration)
All this and only at 33 pounds down. What is the world going to be like in 33 more and 33 more after that? Hugging my Husband is kinda my favorite part right now. It's a much tighter hug and it doesn't hurt my girls, I'm liking that. Yes, very much.
This morning I stood there in my new bra, holding onto my girls (AKA my boobs) cupping them and staring in the mirror. My Husband gets a little giggle and a smile "Are you excited?".
Why yes I am, you betchya! Oh how it's the small things that please me!
Monday, May 13, 2013
Friday, May 10, 2013
His real colors
I've posted in the past a link to a guy on face book who has a page as a trainer. I am ashamed to admit I wish I hadn't shared his page with you. He has gone to a level of unprofessionalism and is launching personal attacks on posters on his page who disagree with him. Today, it was me. I was attempting to defend a woman he was attacking, complete with her picture, name and one post she made questioning one of his methods. I was so disappointed to see him do that, I found it unprofessional. I was courteous in what I said and he went off on me. He was so mean to me and when I told him how I've enjoyed his page, shared it with others including my blog, but that I would now unlike his page...his reply to me "I could care less"
I will NOT post his name or page on this particular post, he does not deserve any further attention. Please be mindful of who you put your trust in. He even posts quotes from Joyce Meyer, a Christian Pastor. The two don't seem to go together.
I will NOT post his name or page on this particular post, he does not deserve any further attention. Please be mindful of who you put your trust in. He even posts quotes from Joyce Meyer, a Christian Pastor. The two don't seem to go together.
All of me, the secret life
People who have never been really fat/obese don't realize the level of suffering on a daily basis and on every level that very fat people endure. They can't grasp the many challenges that we face from clothes that will not fit, tying our shoes to worrying about fitting into the movie theater chair. Bending over in the shower to shave my legs, paint my toe nails and trying to get up from sitting on the floor. That was me!
The world has no clue the secret life of fat people and all the humiliation we suffer even exists. It's a hard dose of tolerance we have built up for the social abuse we take. So many people don't care. They think we deserve to suffer for being such lazy, weak, and self made pigs.
All of this and I wasn't even at 300 pounds. I wasn't obese in the sense that the world relates to. I was SO overweight, former classmates haven't recognized me before. I couldn't go to any Dr. appointment without being told my BMI was so high I'm obese and I always get handed the pamphlet to read about obesity when I leave.
People are grossed out when they see you eating at McDonalds, grossed out when they see you eating anywhere. Especially when they see what you're eating. If it's anything other than a salad or just a single saltine cracker on your plate, they stare at you in disgust. I've been stared at and eyes rolled at me many times.
I think what hurts the most is when people avoid looking at you all together, as if you aren't even there. We're invisible. There have been men passing me in the store, or where ever, and when we make eye contact I smile, just like I do to everyone I see, and the men can't look away fast enough. My stomach hurts every time. I love me Husband more than life itself, it's nothing like me flirting kind of thing. It's the principal. Men gawk, it's in their nature. They just don't do it at me anymore. Haven't for 15 years.
When we've had an event to attend, mostly going to family functions, it takes me an hour just to get dressed. I go through everything in my closet over and over constantly changing. Hating what I wear because "it makes me look fat". Didn't need clothes to do that, reality was I AM fat. Even at family gatherings you feel like everyone is watching you eat. Though they may not be, I still feet like a pig. In my mind everyone is pointing at me and laughing.
I couldn't tell you how many times I've just stood there staring at myself in the mirror, naked and crying. There were times in the middle of the night I would wake up on my side, feel my belly laying on the bed, grab it hard to the point it was painful and say out loud "GOD Marcy, what the hell have you done!" while gritting my teeth.
Yesterday my 10 year old hugs me, steps back and says "MOM, my hands go on top of each other now when I hug you!!!" and she promptly hugged me over and over. I asked her where her hands were before and she held out her arms, forming a circle, but her finger tips were about a foot apart. I said "please hug Mommy again." She did, and squeezed as tight as she could, not letting go.
A huge part of me hopes that this blog changes the heart of my readers. How you view fat people. They are in pain, emotionally, that you can't even begin to grasp. 90% of them don't want to be fat and for most of them it's nearly impossible to win the fight. They try and try and try again...it's just too painful. Emotionally painful.
So many times at the gym I've gone into the bathroom sitting on the toilet just to cry. Every part of me is baggage fat, so many years of painful memories and past suffering. Eating gave relief. The alcoholic drinks vodka, the druggies snort coke...I ate.
Every pound you shed is another layer of the shield. Protecting you from what is hurting you. Letting it down is painful.
I've come along way in 3 1/2 months. 33 pounds is an amazing achievement! I text my Husband yesterday "You're getting your girlfriend back" and his response "I love u just the way u are!"
Thank you for caring, thank you for listening and please...put the next fat person you see into your heart. Say a prayer for them them and understand that what you see isn't who they are.
The world has no clue the secret life of fat people and all the humiliation we suffer even exists. It's a hard dose of tolerance we have built up for the social abuse we take. So many people don't care. They think we deserve to suffer for being such lazy, weak, and self made pigs.
All of this and I wasn't even at 300 pounds. I wasn't obese in the sense that the world relates to. I was SO overweight, former classmates haven't recognized me before. I couldn't go to any Dr. appointment without being told my BMI was so high I'm obese and I always get handed the pamphlet to read about obesity when I leave.
People are grossed out when they see you eating at McDonalds, grossed out when they see you eating anywhere. Especially when they see what you're eating. If it's anything other than a salad or just a single saltine cracker on your plate, they stare at you in disgust. I've been stared at and eyes rolled at me many times.
I think what hurts the most is when people avoid looking at you all together, as if you aren't even there. We're invisible. There have been men passing me in the store, or where ever, and when we make eye contact I smile, just like I do to everyone I see, and the men can't look away fast enough. My stomach hurts every time. I love me Husband more than life itself, it's nothing like me flirting kind of thing. It's the principal. Men gawk, it's in their nature. They just don't do it at me anymore. Haven't for 15 years.
When we've had an event to attend, mostly going to family functions, it takes me an hour just to get dressed. I go through everything in my closet over and over constantly changing. Hating what I wear because "it makes me look fat". Didn't need clothes to do that, reality was I AM fat. Even at family gatherings you feel like everyone is watching you eat. Though they may not be, I still feet like a pig. In my mind everyone is pointing at me and laughing.
I couldn't tell you how many times I've just stood there staring at myself in the mirror, naked and crying. There were times in the middle of the night I would wake up on my side, feel my belly laying on the bed, grab it hard to the point it was painful and say out loud "GOD Marcy, what the hell have you done!" while gritting my teeth.
Yesterday my 10 year old hugs me, steps back and says "MOM, my hands go on top of each other now when I hug you!!!" and she promptly hugged me over and over. I asked her where her hands were before and she held out her arms, forming a circle, but her finger tips were about a foot apart. I said "please hug Mommy again." She did, and squeezed as tight as she could, not letting go.
A huge part of me hopes that this blog changes the heart of my readers. How you view fat people. They are in pain, emotionally, that you can't even begin to grasp. 90% of them don't want to be fat and for most of them it's nearly impossible to win the fight. They try and try and try again...it's just too painful. Emotionally painful.
So many times at the gym I've gone into the bathroom sitting on the toilet just to cry. Every part of me is baggage fat, so many years of painful memories and past suffering. Eating gave relief. The alcoholic drinks vodka, the druggies snort coke...I ate.
Every pound you shed is another layer of the shield. Protecting you from what is hurting you. Letting it down is painful.
I've come along way in 3 1/2 months. 33 pounds is an amazing achievement! I text my Husband yesterday "You're getting your girlfriend back" and his response "I love u just the way u are!"
Thank you for caring, thank you for listening and please...put the next fat person you see into your heart. Say a prayer for them them and understand that what you see isn't who they are.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
The sun is shining on a rainy day!
33 pounds today and baggy pants, today is a great day! I see sun outside, not the rain that's coming down. In the sun I see hope. I smile :)
Monday, May 6, 2013
Update on new diet:
I feel FANTASTIC! Oh don't get me wrong, first couple days were R O U G H!
For fear of eating too much, I didn’t eat enough. Thankfully spent the weekend with my Sister and she got me whipped into shape! That’s how I discovered I wasn’t eating enough, enough protein that is. I haven’t weighed my food before while doing calorie counting and that was my downfall. Needless to say the food scale is now on my counter and ready to go!
WATER WATER WATER and more WATER! I can’t stress enough how important it is to drink tons of water when you’re dieting. When you’re not dieting, you should be drinking a few bottles at least a day too. Especially when you’re cutting your calories, it’s vital to your organs and overall motor of your body. You put oil and gas in your car…well same goes for you body, water it regularly. Water was another big reason I was suffering for a couple days. All weekend I kept hearing “where’s your water?” “How many bottles have you had?” She gave me the visualization that if there were a bowl of reeces peeces sitting there (my all-time favorite) you would grab a handful every time you walked buy. Pretend your water is reeces and take a swig every time you would take a handful!” My favorite was “If you’ve stopped peeing, you’re doing something wrong!” We’re rather frank in my family, we like to get to the point!
As of today I’m at 261lbs, 26 pounds down from January when I started this journey. Not too shabby
I’d say!
I get out my bike today. Let’s get moving!!!
For fear of eating too much, I didn’t eat enough. Thankfully spent the weekend with my Sister and she got me whipped into shape! That’s how I discovered I wasn’t eating enough, enough protein that is. I haven’t weighed my food before while doing calorie counting and that was my downfall. Needless to say the food scale is now on my counter and ready to go!
WATER WATER WATER and more WATER! I can’t stress enough how important it is to drink tons of water when you’re dieting. When you’re not dieting, you should be drinking a few bottles at least a day too. Especially when you’re cutting your calories, it’s vital to your organs and overall motor of your body. You put oil and gas in your car…well same goes for you body, water it regularly. Water was another big reason I was suffering for a couple days. All weekend I kept hearing “where’s your water?” “How many bottles have you had?” She gave me the visualization that if there were a bowl of reeces peeces sitting there (my all-time favorite) you would grab a handful every time you walked buy. Pretend your water is reeces and take a swig every time you would take a handful!” My favorite was “If you’ve stopped peeing, you’re doing something wrong!” We’re rather frank in my family, we like to get to the point!
As of today I’m at 261lbs, 26 pounds down from January when I started this journey. Not too shabby
I’d say!
I get out my bike today. Let’s get moving!!!
Friday, May 3, 2013
Here's Marcy!
I'm back! Missed all of you and sharing my journey. Left on April 15th for a Florida girls vacation with my sister. It was wonderful. Took some time off from all the dieting/exercising madness.
It was time to take a break!
Took me a couple days to allow myself a treat, but once I did it definitely relaxed me. I was truly stressing myself out. Putting way too much pressure on results, worried I wouldn't have good numbers to present all of you with.
I proud to announce during all of the naughty, naughty, naughty eating I've done since the 15th, I only gained back 5 pounds! Yes, only 5. That's what exercise does for you.
My sister is also on this journey of weight loss. We are both looking at a substantial amount needed but more importantly a clothing size that we would be happy living in. That size gives us a break from the scale. I think that's more important. How I feel.
With that, I joined her on a new diet program she's been on. It's much more strict and will keep me on track with my eating, and when I say strict...I mean strict.
It's been raining here and down in the 50's...after 2 days of high 80's and a few 70's. Living in the Midwest is giving me whiplash :) It's time to get out of the dungeon, I mean the gym! Get some fresh air and sunlight. Wiping the dust off of my new bike I got for Mother's Day last year. My gym membership expired Monday the 29th, perfect timing! I have a good 2 hour window to myself after work before I pick the kids up at school. We have wonderful trails in town provided by our park district. Going to get the bike rack hooked up on my Tahoe and pedal my troubles away!
I'm going to let yard work be my strength training, in addition to the remodel we are doing on our house. I have window boxes and porch railings to paint. Tons of flowers to plant and weeds to pull. We scraped our popcorn ceiling off Tuesday night and last night when I got in bed, I could barely lift my arms. What did I say? "That was a good workout!". It was indeed.
Don't give up on me! I took a little vacation so I wouldn't lose my marbles!
Spring cleaning isn't just for your house, it's something you can also for your soul! Time to get cleaning :)
It was time to take a break!Took me a couple days to allow myself a treat, but once I did it definitely relaxed me. I was truly stressing myself out. Putting way too much pressure on results, worried I wouldn't have good numbers to present all of you with.
I proud to announce during all of the naughty, naughty, naughty eating I've done since the 15th, I only gained back 5 pounds! Yes, only 5. That's what exercise does for you.
My sister is also on this journey of weight loss. We are both looking at a substantial amount needed but more importantly a clothing size that we would be happy living in. That size gives us a break from the scale. I think that's more important. How I feel.
With that, I joined her on a new diet program she's been on. It's much more strict and will keep me on track with my eating, and when I say strict...I mean strict.
It's been raining here and down in the 50's...after 2 days of high 80's and a few 70's. Living in the Midwest is giving me whiplash :) It's time to get out of the dungeon, I mean the gym! Get some fresh air and sunlight. Wiping the dust off of my new bike I got for Mother's Day last year. My gym membership expired Monday the 29th, perfect timing! I have a good 2 hour window to myself after work before I pick the kids up at school. We have wonderful trails in town provided by our park district. Going to get the bike rack hooked up on my Tahoe and pedal my troubles away!
I'm going to let yard work be my strength training, in addition to the remodel we are doing on our house. I have window boxes and porch railings to paint. Tons of flowers to plant and weeds to pull. We scraped our popcorn ceiling off Tuesday night and last night when I got in bed, I could barely lift my arms. What did I say? "That was a good workout!". It was indeed.
Don't give up on me! I took a little vacation so I wouldn't lose my marbles!
Spring cleaning isn't just for your house, it's something you can also for your soul! Time to get cleaning :)
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